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Thought That Came Unbidden

We can remember it for you wholesale

The front page of The Washington Post was full of the usual news today. Iraq is a mess, pollsters can’t agree on which presidential candidate has the lead, what’s happening in Sudan is an utter outrage, and there’s not enough flu vaccine for the second year in a row. But none of these things are what caught my eye this morning. Instead, what drew my attention was this article: Is Every Memory Worth Keeping? Controversy Over Pills to Reduce Mental Trauma.

The article goes on to talk about a woman in Boston who had previously suffered a horrible ordeal, car jacking, attempted rape, and who recently suffered the new, and by comparison lesser, trauma of being knocked to the ground by a bicycle messenger while on her way to work. This woman volunteered for a study looking at the effects of a drug that researchers hope will allow trauma sufferers to reduce the stress of memories of the traumatic event. There were, of course, the usual admonishments by bioethicists about the misuse of drugs, with one even blatantly stating

“You can easily imagine a scenario of ‘I was embarrassed at my boss’s party last night, and I want take something to forget it so I can have more confidence when I go into the office tomorrow,’ ” said David Magnus, co-director of Stanford University’s Center for Biomedical Ethics. “It’s not hard to imagine that it will end up being used much more broadly.”

Given how drug companies are now pushing anti-depressant drugs for everything from smoking cessation to “social anxiety disorder,” I have to agree with Mr. Magnus that any drug of this type will rapidly be misused by the American populace, not to mention misprescribed by doctors.

The article over reaches a bit, going so far as to try to weigh the good of society against an individual’s desires by positing the scenario of the Holocaust survivor who chooses to forget the experience thereby depriving humanity of the valuable, historical lessons that might be learned from survivor. The researchers counter these arguments, a tad unconvincingly, by stating that the drug won’t erase memories, but merely dull the pain associated with those memories using the rationale “If this is safe and effective, it’s one of the few tools we’d have in the case of a mass disaster,” [Charles R.] Marmar said. “What are you going to do if there’s a dirty bomb? You’ll have widespread panic. Do you want these poor people to be haunted by this searing memory?”

It’s an interesting idea, a drug that can reduce the impact of painful memories. I’m not sure, though, that it’s a good idea.

Memories are part of who we are. The lessons learned in the past influence how we react to situations in the present, whether we realize it or not. I think that Magnus is right: America is a society that wants a pill for everything (lose weight, sleep better, have better sex, grow hair, learn French). Any such pill would get abused beyond belief. Do I really want to remember leaving the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to my shoe at my high school prom? Not especially. Was the embarrassment “traumatic?” Possibly not but even now I can feel myself blushing. But the experience taught me to be more aware of my surroundings, and is that such a bad thing? And as the owner of a few memories that I think anyone would agree definitely qualify as “traumatic” I’d say I can judge my own experiences.

And who decides what qualifies as an event traumatic enough to merit this new drug? Is there a threshold for the number of people effected that would automatically qualify an event? I personally found the plane hitting the Pentagon a lot more traumatic than I did the collapse of both World Trade center buildings and the death toll was much, much lower. Frankly, the ability to screw around with my memories isn’t a power I want my government to have.

Taking the plunge

I’ve been toying with the idea of participating in National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo to its friends) and finally decided to take the plunge.

I registered today, got my ID and just need to set up the blog so I can publish my work and have my word count verified.

175 pages in 30 days…there hasn’t been terror like this since my senior prom.

Black Wednesday

From today’s New York Times

They had been reliable caretakers of a cosmic curse, feasting for decades on the gift that kept on giving: Babe Ruth, purchased from the Boston Red Sox in 1920, and all the championship karma he brought with him.

The rules were very simple. The Yankees won and their rivals lost, often painfully, eternal justice for the worst trade in baseball history. The Red Sox still have not won a World Series in 86 years. But they got there last night, playing the Babe’s game in the house that he built.

With a barrage of four home runs – all pulled into the right-field seats, where Ruth once took aim – the Red Sox eliminated the Yankees with a 10-3 victory in Game 7 of the American League Championship Series at Yankee Stadium.

There’s this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach but my logical mind says it was bound to happen some time.

And you know, I’m OK with it if the Red Sox go to the World Series once every 18 years. Every team ought to get at least that (and it’s the Cubs’ turn when? Soon we hope.)

But really, here’s my question: Now that the Red Sox have finally beaten the Yankees at something it’s going to be because they are “a better baseball team.” Why is it, then, that when they lose to the Yanks it’s because of a “curse” and not just because they suck?

Either you got lucky or you’re better when you win, and when you lose it’s because of the “curse” or because you weren’t the better team.

Can’t have it both ways, boys.

If the Astros win tonight it’s nothing but Bull Durham for me until spring training. I loathe Roger Clemens but not enough to root for the Sox; I loathe the Sox, but not enough to hope that Roger gets another World Series ring. Catch-22 manifest.

Just remember, there is no crying in baseball.

Depths of procrastination

Time is both a gift and a curse. I’ve more of it now to write than I’ve had since I was in graduate school, and I don’t know what to do with myself. My procratinating has gotten so bad that I stooped to vacuuming off the little ergonomic wrist rest that goes with my keyboard.

I am doomed.

Another October, another job

Yes, it’s fall again, that time of the year when stuff happens to me. This is the second year in a row I’ve had a job change in early fall.

The new place, also a non-profit, seems like the best fit I’ve had in a while. The people are nice, and quite smart. The staff is small, maybe 12 people in total, and they seem very happy to have me here. I can’t beat the commute: a 15 minute walk from my house which has already come in quite handy.

So my life is chugging along nicely. Why is it I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop?

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