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Thought That Came Unbidden

Is it real or is it memoir?

Almost everyone who has written fiction with any sort of dedication has had the fantasy. You hold the book in your hand. The dust jacket crinkles a bit as you weight the volume by the spine and find that it is heavier than you imagined it would be. You don’t quite register your name on the cover but there it is just the same.

You open it and the spine creaks just a bit in that special way that only a brand new book can. The paper is heavy, at least 24lb bond as you flip passed the mandatory blank page, the frontispiece that in previous eras would have held an engraving because there was no four-color photo on the dust jacket.

You turn the title page to the dedication and yes, there is the list you slaved over, you considered so carefully – should you list your mother first or your girlfriend; will that creative writing teacher who was so important to you even remember that you took her class?

And in this fantasy as you hold this book in your hand you imagine sending it to all the people you want to share your joy with and to all the people who told you that you shouldn’t bother to write another word just so you’ll have the deep, abiding pleasure of knowing that they know that you proved them wrong. Sometimes in this fantasy your name is foil embossed on the dust jacket instead of just printed.

I have this fantasy periodically and I now realize that I’ve been going about it all wrong. Instead of writing fiction what I need to do is write fiction that is plausible as memoir, sell it as such, and then recant publicly, preferably on Oprah, or perhaps in The New York Times.

Sarah McGrath, the editor at Riverhead who worked with Ms. Seltzer for three years on the book, said she was stunned to discover that the author had lied.

“It’s very upsetting to us because we spent so much time with this person and we felt such sympathy for her and she would talk about how she didn’t have any money or any heat and we completely bought into that and thought we were doing something good by bringing her story to light,” Ms. McGrath said.

“There’s a huge personal betrayal here as well as a professional one,” she said.

It sort of makes me wonder, does McGrath not realize that she, too, is responsible for a professional betrayal? Just what obligation does a book publishing company have to the book-buying public? More to the point, when did all media become unreliable?

I ceased to believe anything I saw on television over a decade ago. At the time I was working in a video post production house, you know, the kind where they cut together commercials – “Act fast and will throw in a bonus CD for only $1.99!” – and other more highbrow fare. Most of it, though, was corporate videos, those boring, brutish things you often have to sit through at the company retreat, the ones that make you wonder how much fatter your check would have been had they not blown all that money on the 15 minute corporate video.

It was during an editing session for one of these where I stopped believing my eyes, at least with respect to anything I saw on a television screen: we made the Senior Vice President taller and thinner. Yes, right there in the effects box we added at least three inches to the top and took as many off the sides of a pudgy, balding little executive.

It used to be that you could trust what you saw in print. Yes, journalism is never truly objective but you had some semblance of security that you were at least getting objective facts – a man was robbed, someone held a press conference – about an event if not about what the event means. And it used to be that you could trust your books. You took biographies with a grain of salt as they were often written by someone with an ulterior motive whether that motive be laudatory or disparaging.

Fiction was fiction and it was labeled as such. None of this James Frey, JT LeRoy, Margaret Seltzer bullshit. Thirty years ago no one would have dreamed of faking a holocaust memoir in which she claimed to have lived with wolves – actual wolves not metaphorical ones – after her parents were killed by the Nazis.

More, what does it say about us that fiction writers have to struggle to get published, that journals like McSweeney’s are publishing authors like Stephen King and Joyce Carol Oates who have absolutely no need for a hand up yet fiction, interesting, evolved fiction is having to pass itself off as “true story” material?

Which of these things isn’t like the other

More later on the politics of not fitting in, until then chew on this: How would the nudists treat you if you wore a bathing suit on a “clothing optional” beach?

Because even though Florida eventually makes you crazy winter makes you crazy faster

Observations from eight warm, relaxing days in South Beach:

  • Reputation can only take a place so far.
  • No one in the state of Florida knows how to drive. Period.
  • If you aren’t originally from Florida and you started out knowing how to drive eventually, after enough time in the state, you forget everything you ever learned about how to drive.
  • The Food Network can’t event manage their way out of a wet paper bag. Well, what else would you call starting to set up for a four day event nine days before it starts and still not being finished 12 hours before opening? Oh, by all means, with all that “planning” make sure to put the Porta-Potties in the sun for a wine and food festival that is on the beach in 85+ degree heat. I’m sure that smelled great by Sunday.
  • Pasta is easy, good pasta is an art.
  • Thank God for mirrored sunglasses.
  • Why yes, I think it is about to cocktail or possibly gelato. Maybe both but not at the same time.
  • Life would be so much better if we always got the disco nap from 3pm to 4pm.
  • Sometimes the best thing you can do is just be present where ever you happen to be.

And now…back to reality.

Global warming: truth or hoax? The reality is that it doesn’t matter.

The noise, the sturm und drang over whether or not global warming really exists manages to cover up the basic fact that it really doesn’t matter. We can’t afford not to act.

And true to the “what do you know, what can you prove” method so vividly brought to us by Randy Shilts in And the Band Played On, the video below gives a compelling, purely rational explanation for why it doesn’t matter what we can prove. The only thing he leaves out is the fact that in any response to global warming we control the pace and degree to which we respond which, I think, mitigates his Column A worst case scenario quite a bit. Total running time: 09:33

Five to One

I’m having trouble remembering the name of the character Natasha Lyonne played* in Blade Trinity.

In everyday life that normally wouldn’t make much difference; it’s one of those things you shrug off and move past even in the context of whatever incredibly geeky discussion about the mechanics of anti-vampirism serum or just how much Parker Posey must have needed money to go in five years from the indie queen of Clockwatchers and Henry Fool to playing a vampire in the third installment of a not very well adapted franchise. But I’ve been thinking about this movie a lot not just because it seems like every time I want to turn my brain off and watch a little TV it’s on yet I can never catch it from the beginning. No, I’ve been thinking about one particular scene in the third act that is especially pertinent for me at the moment.

Roughly sketched: Blade returns with Abigail Whistler (Jessica Biel) to the hideout of the vampire hunters to find that their nominal leader Hannibal King (Ryan Reynolds) has been kidnaped and the rest of their fellows, including the character played by Natasha Lyonne, have been killed. Lyonne’s character, who I know in my review of the film I referred to as “blind geneticist [name]” requires cutting down from where she’s been strung up crucifixion style. Blade tells a shocked, enraged Abigail that she should take the emotion she’s feeling and “use it, use it!” He wants her effective and operational for the confrontation he knows is coming and someone paralyzed by grief and rage is neither of those things.

I’ve been thinking about this for two reasons: one is that Blade’s advice to Abigail is something I’ve been pondering myself, how to use a negative emotion to your advantage. More, how to not let a negative emotion take over your life.
[Read more…] about Five to One

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