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Thought That Came Unbidden

Sunday only

The daily paper has met its demise and I’m kind of nervous about it.

No, I’m not talking about the much panicked over death of print media (here, here (video), and here). I’m talking specifically about the fact that the daily paper will no longer be showing up on my porch every morning.

We’ve had a daily paper subscription in my family, save for the two years my step-father’s Navy career had us living overseas, for as long as I can remember. When DC still had decent print journalism that didn’t entirely revolve around politics, my grandmother actually got two daily papers, The Washington Post in the morning and The Washington Star in the evenings. This sort of explains how I got to be a news junky way before Twitter feeds and RSS and the constantly churning news cycle. It also explains why the idea of not getting the daily paper, even though it was absolutely necessary to cancel it, is making me kind of twitchy.

Cancelling the Post wasn’t just about the rising prices or the shrinking news hole or the fact that to cut costs they seem to have cut anyone in the news room who actually knows how to use a comma or an apostrophe. All those things contributed but what really solidified the idea that maybe it was time to start getting my news somewhere else was the presentation of two stories near the end of May.

You may be aware that there’s a bit of an economic thing happening right now – people losing jobs and homes, the stock markets gyrating like an anorexic on meth – which most deep thinkers attribute largely to something called deriviatives (packages of high-risk investments slapped together with seemingly little regulation).

Now, I know it’s not on a par with the President attempting to fix an election, but don’t you think that if the head of a Federal agency had tried a decade ago to warn both Congress and the Department of Treasury about how dangerous these types of investments were that you might want to write a serious news article about that person? I sure do. The Washington Post, however, put their “profile” of Brooksley Born, former chair of the Commodity Futures Trading Commission, on the front page of the Style section.

Friends nudge the woman who saw the catastrophe coming.

They want Brooksley Born to say four words, four simple words: “I told you so.”

Ah, but she won’t — not at legal conferences or dinner parties. Not even in a quiet moment in her living room, giving her first interview with a major news organization since last fall’s economic collapse.

She just smiles, perched ever so properly in an upholstered armchair at her Kalorama home.

“More coffee?” she asks daintily, changing the subject.

A little more than a decade ago, Born foresaw a financial cataclysm, accurately predicting that exotic investments known as over-the-counter derivatives could play a crucial role in a crisis much like the one now convulsing America. Her efforts to stop that from happening ran afoul of some of the most influential men in Washington, men with names like Greenspan and Levitt and Rubin and Summers — the same Larry Summers who is now a key economic adviser to President Obama.

She was the head of a tiny government agency who wanted to regulate the derivatives. They were the men who stopped her.

The same class of derivatives that preoccupied Born — including the now-infamous “credit-default swaps” — have been blamed for accelerating last fall’s financial implosion. But from 1996 to 1999, when Born was the chairman of the Commodity Futures Trading Commission, the U.S. economy was roaring and she was getting nowhere with predictions of doom.

So, upstairs in the big house in Kalorama, Born tossed and turned. She woke repeatedly “in a cold sweat,” agonizing that a financial calamity was coming, she recalled one recent afternoon.

“I was really terribly worried,” she said.

Before taking office, Born had been a high-octane attorney, an American Bar Association power player, a noted advocate of feminist causes and co-founder of the National Women’s Law Center. But none of that carried much weight when she crossed over into government; for all her legal experience, she was a woman who wasn’t adept at playing the game. She could be unyielding and coldly analytical, with a litigator’s absolute assertions of right and wrong. And she was taking on Beltway pros, masters of nuance and palace politics. She marched into congressional hearing after congressional hearing — pin neat, always with a handbag — but no one really wanted to listen.

The Wall Street Journal declared that “the nation’s top financial regulators wish Brooksley Born would just shut up.” The Bond Buyer newspaper compared her to a salmon “swimming against raging currents.”

– “Credit Crisis Cassandra: Brooksley Born’s Unheeded Warning Is a Rueful Echo 10 Years On”, By Manuel Roig-Franziam, The Washington Post, Tuesday, May 26, 2009, C01

When this appeared in the Style section I was willing to overlook the lack of gravitas given to the idea that the same people trying to haul us out of this financial mess are the people who ignored warnings a decade ago that this could happen. I’m sure there was other stuff happening, like the California Supreme Court ruling on proposition 8 and whether or not “cancer boy” was going to be found in time to be treated. I get that the editorial staff, such as it is, might have had other priorities.

But then three days later the Post published this:

Today will unfold just like all the other days for Herb Feemster, the suave “Reunited” and “Shake Your Groove Thing” singer from Southeast Washington who rose to international fame in the 1960s and ’70s with Peaches and Herb.

The 67-year-old soul man with the sweet falsetto will scrape himself out of bed and push off from his suburban Maryland home in the still of the night. He’ll pull into a Penn Quarter parking lot between 4:30 and 5. He’ll put on his patent leather shoes, gray slacks, white shirt, red tie and blue blazer. And by 6, he’ll be on the clock at the U.S. Court of Appeals for Veterans Claims, where he works as a deputized court security officer for the U.S. Marshals Service.

Never mind that the first new Peaches and Herb album in more than a quarter-century is being released today. Feemster, who uses the stage name Herb Fame, isn’t planning some wild celebration, despite having finally reunited with his recording career. (And yes, it feels so good, ’cause he understood. Of course.)

The idea of a pop star slumming in the working class isn’t a regular part of the celebrity-culture diet. Stars really aren’t supposed to be like us. They’re supposed to lead glamorous lives, always and forever — unless they’re in rehab or on a reality show, or both. But they’re not supposed to be in the middle, with the rest of us workies.

– “For R&B Star, Day Job’s the Real High Note: Peaches & Herb Reunited, but He Favors Lunch-Bucket Life”, J. Freedom du Lac, The Washington Post, Friday, May 29, 2009, A01

Yes, that’s right, page A01. The front page. The same place that banner headlines and articles about 911 and Obama’s election and the attempt on Reagan’s life, and, more recently, the crazy guy shooting up the Holocaust Museum were published.

Now, admittedly, this article was below the fold but still, this is a puff piece, a profile on a local musician who had some success 30+ years ago and might be poised to have some moderate success again. This is a Style section piece if I ever saw one. And yet…there it is on the front page.

It’s not the shrinking news hole. It’s not the fact that increasingly journalists at all publications don’t seem to understand the basic tool of their craft. It’s the fact that they would insult me by trying to make me believe that I should trust the judgement of “gate keepers” who would position these stories the way they did.

For the first time in my life, we’re down to Sunday only delivery on the newspaper. I’m just glad I don’t have to explain this to my grandmother.

Tastemakers

If you haven’t had the absurdity of the experience yet, I highly suggest that you visit a Redbox and try renting movies, preferably with a group of people. Redbox was a genius move by McDonald’s to tap the impulse rental DVD market. Even though you need a credit card to use the vending machine, the movies only cost $1 each/night which makes it financially efficacious to rent a movie for you and the other adult and a different movie to plunk the kids down in front of.

Redbox vending machine.  It might be sentient.
Redbox vending machine. It might be sentient.
By locating them near the checkout stands in grocery stores, outside convenience stores, and in, yes, McDonald’s, the brains behind Redbox made sure that kids would alert their parents to the machines’ existence and that bored shoppers would have ample time while waiting in line to think “Hum…I wonder what they have. It’s only a dollar and it can’t hurt to look.” The hidden cost of Redbox is that often the bright, nicely back lit pictures on the display don’t reflect what the machine actually has to vend. And when that happens, particularly when you’re with even a small group of people, you sometimes end up renting a movie that wasn’t even in your top 25 choices of things to see. Just such a situation is how I found myself watching How to Lose Friends & Alienate People a couple of weekends ago.

I’m not even sure now what we were looking for when we stopped in front of the vending machine, though the fact that we ended up with Paul Blart: Mall Cop and How to Lose Friends & Alienate People is a pretty strong indicator that we settled in our choices. How to Lose Friends & Alienate People seemed like a good alternate, though. After all, it had Simon “Shaun of the Dead” Pegg in the lead and while Kirsten Dunst can be like nails on a chalk board we were all willing to take the gamble.

The fact that this movie about a British writer who is generally a total prick who ends up selling his soul for what he thinks he wants and throwing “it” all away for love who comes to America to work for a slick, entertainment magazine (think the Vogue of the entertainment world) was at turns cringe-worthy, embarrassing, and generally unfunny and predictable isn’t why I’m writing about it. What has me fascinated is how someone in the entertainment world not only becomes a tastemaker but how the tastemakers decide what the tastes should be.

During the course of the film Sidney (Simon Pegg) must interact with, and ultimately ends up selling out to, Eleanor Johnson (Gillian Anderson who I’m convinced has but two modes: stunned and bitch-on-wheels) a publicist for a young, up-and-coming actress, Sophie Maes (Megan Fox) with whom Sidney is just dying to have sex and for a young director, Vincent Lepak (Max Minghella). We’re never told what it is that makes Vincent so special, just that he is special, a visionary even. It’s vitally important that the magazine Sidney writes for do a puff piece, a profile on Vincent to boost his credibility.

Now, I get that in the real world, if anything pertaining to the entertainment industry can be said to be “real,” an agent or a publicist makes a decision to take “talent” on as a client largely based on how easy it will be to sell the talent (and thus secure commission for himself). But what about the total unknown?

Despite how they’re structured, American Idol and Britain’s Got Talent don’t provide much of a window into who is going to be successful and who isn’t. Indeed, if you look at the past winners and runners-up of American Idol you’ll see that in seven years only two winners and one runner up have gone on to big success and the runners-up, generally, have had only moderate success. So it seems that what is popular in the moment isn’t necessarily what’s going to be popular for the long term, and while an agent or a publicist can milk and dump a client, as a long term income strategy that’s pretty stupid.

What I guess puzzles me really isn’t how the people who are in position to be tastemakers make their picks. It could be something as simple as liking the way someone looks in their clothes, or the fact that the talent made the agent, publicist, or producer laugh. I guess what really puzzles me is how tastemakers get to be tastemakers. Who grows up and says “Hey, I want to be an agent so I can foist the next Heidi and Spencer onto an unsuspecting public!” I’m guessing no one, and yet there are dozens, nay hundreds, of people out there feeding the entertainment machine (and aspiring to become food for said machine).

Part of me suspects that it’s some sort of in-joke, something that the rest of us will never get. But I know it’s paranoia to think that somewhere in a curtained off room room with leather banquettes and dark wood running up the walls the elite of Hollywood and beyond gather and cackle as they try to figure out what crap they can sell us next.

I don’t really have any answers but since I’m bent toward figuring out why things are the way they are, or how they operate (which is really just the why of a system), I imagine I’ll be picking at this question – why is what’s popular picked to become popular in the first place – for quite some time.

Unscripted

Maybe it’s because I spent two years working telephone tech support. Or maybe it’s because I solve problems professionally. Perhaps it’s because I have functioning brain.

Whatever the reason may be, I find that very little in life is more frustrating for me than a “tech support” person who will not deviate from the script.

And I get that 80% of most users’ problems, regardless of what they’re calling tech support about, can be solved with a rote series of maneuvers. But the reality is that by the time someone has picked up the phone and called tech support, she’s already to frustrated to be read to from a script…

Now press the menu button on your remote twice…
Now press the down arrow five times…
Now press the right arrow once….

Yes, these are the verbatim instructions I got when I called my cable company’s “tech support” line because we’re having a problem with how network programs display when delivered by our HD-DVR to our non-HD TV.

Treat me like a human being. Treat me like I’m smart enough to actually work the piece of equipment I’m calling about. A better version of this script would read…

OK, we need to change the Video Output settings on the DVR. Can you get to the settings menu for me? No? Alright, press the menu button on the remote twice.

Great, now, do you see a setting called Audio/Video output near the bottom of the list? Awesome. Use the arrow buttons to scroll down and highlight that for me.

Is it highlighted? Great, now use the right arrow button to open the menu.

One of these “scripts” treats me like a dumb piece of meat. The other involves me in solving the problem. The more involved I am in solving the problem the less pissed off I’m likely to be if it can’t be resolved on that call.

The thing that really bugs me about so-called tech support is just that: they don’t actually solve problems. And I think that’s mostly because no one teaches their children to solve problems any more.

See, systems are really pretty simple when you strip away the bells and whistles. There’s an A side and a B side and something that connects the two.

Basic problem solving tells us that you cut the problem in half. If you can remove the A side and replicate the problem then the thing that’s broken is (most likely) in the B side. If it doesn’t replicate chances are that the problem is on the A side. Very rarely your problem is in the connector.

Yet, most service providers automatically assume that 1) the problem is on your side, and 2) you did something to fuck it up.

There’s no possible way that the reason your cable modem only works 3 days out of 15 is because the wires are strung on telephone poles and subject to the elements and the machinations of squirrels who haven’t heard of pedicures. No, the problem must be in your computer.

I know I’m ranting, and to no purpose. Everyone knows that telephone tech support sucks. And everyone knows that outsourced call centers suck the most (yes, it’s the language barrier which makes the “techs” even more dependent upon the scripts; and I get that their English is better than my Hindi or Farsi or Bangla but even if I spoke another language fluently I wouldn’t dream of doing tech support in that language).

Still…why make life any harder than it is? Enough bad tech support and I’ll take my $103.76 (including taxes and federal licensing fees) to another company whose support is likely just as shitty but with whom I haven’t interacted as much yet.

On a slightly more pleasant note: someone somewhere in my neighborhood is playing a saxophone…and rather well. It’s quite pleasant.

Why even The New York Times needs editors

I was browsing nytimes.com last night and ran across this headline “Basketball Prospect Leaving High School to Play in Europe” and because I’m curious I followed it through to the article where nytimes.com proved once again that even The New York Times needs editors.

SAN DIEGO — Jeremy Tyler, a 6-foot-11 high school junior whom some consider the best American big man since Greg Oden, says he will be taking a new path to the N.B.A. He has left San Diego High School and said this week that he would skip his senior year to play professionally in Europe.

Tyler, 17, would become the first United States-born player to leave high school early to play professionally overseas. He is expected to return in two years, when he is projected to be a top pick, if not the No. 1 pick, in the 2011 N.B.A. draft.

Tyler, who had orally committed to play for Rick Pitino at Louisville, has yet to sign with an agent or a professional team.

“Basketball Prospect Leaving High School to Play in Europe” by Pete Thamel, Published April 22, 2009, The New York Times

Now, M-W.com defines orally as “uttered by the mouth or in words : spoken” but given the connotations wouldn’t verbally (spoken rather than written) have been a better choice?

Art and standards are not mutually exclusive

The best books make you think. You put them down and days, sometimes weeks, later your hindbrain will toss up some revelation about life in general or your life specifically. Sometimes these revelations will alter the path of your development as a human being. Sometimes they’ll simply shine some light on an event or person that makes you see things a little differently.

I’ve been reading Valencia by Michelle Tea. It is not one of the best books but it has led me to some interesting questions and some not quite fully formed conclusions. The questions first: when did squalor become romantic and artistic and when did “authenticity” become an excuse for bad writing?

Western culture has long romanticized the “starving artist” with, I think, some justification. The starving artist type is committed to her art. No, no day job for the starving artist type; that might interfere with her creative mojo. Unwilling to bow to the rules and whims of mainstream society, the starving artist usually works a series of menial jobs, if she works at all, or relies on patronage, charm, or graft to meet even the most basic of life’s needs (shelter, food, and, of course, supplies for whatever her art might be).

Because the starving artist barely skates by, living in constant uncertainty about where the next rent check is coming from or how she is going to buy groceries, quite frequently the starving artist lives in conditions that are pretty damn rank. Houses that come pre-inhabited by decades old colonies of cockroaches and mice. Houses with little security of place and roommates who are content to let random people simply wander in and out; the kind of places where you never know when you wake up who might be sleeping on the couch (or mattress) in your “living room.”

Most of us think we could tolerate this lifestyle for a while, at least until we hit it big with whatever our art might be, and some subset of us really don’t have that many standards about cleanliness or personal security, but most of us outgrow the circumstances in which the starving artist lives somewhere around age 26 (if not sooner). The practical circumstances of the starving artist’s life are not what we envy.

What we envy, and envy is a key part of the romantic haze that surrounds these ideas, is the freedom that the starving artist’s life implies. Let’s face it, if given a choice most of us would not get up and go to our jobs every day. We would pursue the things that interest us, the hobbies we barely have time for, the relationships that we have to work to maintain, the random past-times that catch our eye for a while. The starving artist, by maintaining her “principles” and her “commitment to her art,” has that freedom we all lust after. And because we lust after it we ignore the facts of that life or imbue it with that romantic haze. But where is the line between romantic haze and squalor?

Valencia, which takes place in San Francisco in the early-mid 1990s, Tea writes in her introduction is “…a snapshot, more or less, of my twenty-fifth year on earth, written not how it happened but how I felt it happened, and how I felt about it happening.” And it is a particular interlude, one in which she and her friends are stoned on mushrooms, that inspired my first question. Tea writes

We sat outside on the front stoop, a great place to sit, maybe the best in the city. You were connected to the absolute hub of 16th Street, but you sat in a dark corridor, apart, quieter, like 16th Street was this incredible secret and my street was the moment before you told it. You had the sense that something was building, sitting in the subtle glow of the streetlights facing the bottlebrush tree sprouting freakish bristly blossoms that actually looked like bottle brushes. I had seen a bottlebrush tree once before…

…

Now I had one right outside my house, growing all the way up to my window, filling the frame. A great tree. The one from which Laurel hung upside down in the rain the night she learned her friend died from heroin…Laurel cried and George smoked a damp cigarette and then Laurel hung by her knees from the bottle brush tree. The tree also served as a kind of toilet bowel when you were out on the stoop drinking 40s and smoking and felt too sluggish and congested to climb the stairs to the bathroom. Or maybe you didn’t want to miss anything, so you pulled down your pants and squatted over the patch of dirt the tree grew out of.

Michelle Tea, Valencia (Berkeley,CA: Seal Press, 2008), 76-77

San Francisco: land of foot traffic and narrow sidewalks. Call me square but I think dropping trou and pissing in the treebox in front of your house on a regular basis transcends the boundaries of the romanticized discomfort of the starving artist lifestyle and lands square in the land of total, absolute, unreconstructed squalor. I mean, seriously, are we talking about, as my friend M. would say, grown ass people or animals here?

My second question is tangentially related to my first question in that one of the other key markers of our romanticization of the starving artist lifestyle is the idea that how down and dirty the artist gets, and how much the artist “suffers” for her art is directly proportional to how “authentic” the art is. Basically, we have this misguided idea that people who live comfortable lives can not produce any artistic work that speaks any kind of truth because their comfort blocks them from having access to “real life.” This presupposes that there is only one kind of truth about life, and there is only one “genuine” route to that truth.

Whether you buy into the idea that the more an artist suffers the greater her access to truth and the more “authentic” her art is has a bit of bearing on what standards you apply to that art, and with writing there are, indeed, standards (we call them grammar and punctuation).

Warning: this next passage is not for the faint of stomach.

Tea writes of this year “[t]hat was the year I puked on every winter holiday.” She also writes of the Thanksgiving night on which she, a vegetarian, indulges in turkey with gravy:

Somehow I made it to the bathroom, the narrow red water closet. I folded myself around the bowl and stuck my head in like I was bobbing for apples. My entire internal system clenched and released, clenched and released as I threw up forever. It smelted worse than anything.

(ibid, 139)

Yes, you read that right: her the ore of her vomit refined worse than anything.

Now, I’m all for colloquialisms. I could have let “smelt” go by without a blink; it is an accepted colloquial past participle of smell. But smelted? This isn’t authenticity. This is just plain bad writing no matter how you cut it.

I also happen to think that this is posing, the self-conscious striving to be “authentic” which is itself inauthentic as hell. Why do I think this? As I was looking for the citation information for this book I noticed that the Library of Congress Cataloging-In-Publication Data for this book are:
1. San Francisco (Calif.)-Fiction
2. Lesbians-Fiction
which means someone took the time to polish and edit this book which also means someone consciously let this go out with “smelted” in print.

Again, call me square but if you’re going to edit a book I don’t think that making it make a little bit of sense detracts from the overall authenticity and ambiance.

In fact, maybe, just maybe, it might actually make it more accessible to more people. And really, if the point is to share the experience (which is the point of these memoir-type pieces of fiction), then don’t you want to reach the broadest audience possible?

But please don’t misunderstand, I’m not necessarily picking on Tea specificially. There are some good pieces of insight into human nature in Valencia like this one buried in a recounting of an encounter with an ex-girlfriend when Tea is in that stage where you’re still attached emotionally but only out of reflex and still attracted physically and you have no idea why:

Good Night, I said, digging for my keys. Have another cigarette, she coaxed. What was this about? She didn’t want me. This was fear, this was the primal fear of abandonment, it was childhood, fear of death, the infinite void, fear of the unknown. This was not about me. That’s what killed me, worked in into a cold astrological bitch. To have someone know you so thoroughly and not want you. Is there anything more painful? I was a favored piece of clothing that had lost its novelty. I was bound for the thrift store, to be bought by someone who would think I was new. I just couldn’t kiss her again.

(ibid, 175)

No, Tea isn’t the only memoirist to wallow in squalor. James Frey and Augusten Burroughs are both guilty of the “squalor effect” as well with Frey having writing standards issues. In fact, is seems these days that most memoir-fiction dips into the squalor barrel in some way, enough so that it’s starting to seem like a requirement for publication. If you can’t show the scars from the suicide attempt or the burn marks you got from the trick or you don’t have a kid you lost in a custody battle because you were a meth addict prostitute, well, sorry, your book just isn’t publishable (even though it’s about gardening).

I’m not sure what conclusions to draw except to say that I wonder about our progress as a species if these two trends are to become standard.

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