Religion, like sex and money, is one of those topics that Americans often shy away from. Quite sadly, this has led us into the morass that is our theocracy masquerading as a republic. After all with “under God” on the money, how can we claim any sort of separation of Church and State? Doesn’t violate the First Amendment, you say? Nonsense, I say right back!
While the First Amendment does say, among other things, that “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof” the use of the term God, in effect, establishes a bias not only for theistic religions but also for monotheistic religions. All of this, however, is irrelevant now that I have become a Pastafarian.
Yes, I have decided to convert to Flying Spaghetti Monsterism. It only makes sense. After all, I’m half-way there already. May I tell you a little about Flying Spaghetti Monsterism?
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Have you been touched by his noodly appendage? |
Every religion has, as you may well know, a creation story. The truth is that the Universe was created by an invisible and undetectable Flying Spaghetti Monster. All evidence that points toward the evolution of man from less-developed life forms was intentionally planted by Him.
Natural disasters, well, those are a direct result of the decline in the number of pirates sailing the high seas. There is, of course, an inverse correlation between the number of active pirates and the rise in global temperatures.
There are, naturally, some rules of conduct for Flying Spaghetti Monsterists:
- All prayers to Him are ended with the word RAmen
- All followers are expected to dress in full pirate regalia.
Being a Monsterist isn’t all that onerous. Our moral standards are pretty flimsy. Every Friday is a holiday, and Heaven promises both a stripper factory and a beer volcano.
Learn more about Flying Spaghetti Monsterism:
* With apologies to Michael Stipe
This parody brought to you in response to the Kansas School Board’s decision to teach intelligent design in the public schools
So now that you’ve half-way broached the subject, is “homemade-ravioli.com” about your newly incorporated 503(c) religion?
The only thing missing in your spaghetti monsterfesto is the standard clause about your followers being the al dente by the Great Noodle. All non-believers are doomed to overcooking… and I really mean overcooking.
p.s. you’ve been very, very punny.
(the “al dente” was supposed to be italicized for, uh, religious reasons.)