All your obsession belong to us

The old joke goes like this:
The definition of heaven is where

• the British are in charge of hospitality;
• the Italians are in charge of entertainment;
• the Germans are in charge of organization;
• and the French are in charge of food.

The definition of hell is where

• the French are in charge of hospitality;
• the Germans are in charge of entertainment;
• the Italians are in charge of organization;
• and the British are in charge of food.

In a more global world view, if you used America’s actual predilections there’d be a whole lot of food available, and it would all sort of suck.

Americans seem to have two obsessions lately: physical perfection and food. This sort of makes sense since what you put in your body tends to effect how it looks, whether that’s a ginormous hamburger or heroin. I guess, then, that the combination of these two obsessions into an advertising campaign was inevitable.

In case you haven’t seen them, the commercials to which I am referring are for Burger King’s remodeled Double Whopper hamburger. In these :60 bits of psychological insight a man is getting a consult from a plastic surgeon who has outlined the new, larger size of his mouth that will be needed to accommodate the BK Double Whopper. A second version takes the plastic surgery craze one step further by recommending a complete hand replacement with a much larger model that will be able to better hold the burger.

Am I wrong to be frightened by the easy acceptance of the idea that someone would do radical body modification to increase his ability to eat what is, essentially, junk food? I’m all for the beer helmet but the line has to get drawn somewhere.