Jan
04
2011

God as engineer

I frame this joke by explaining that it was told to me by a former Jesuit priest.

Three engineers are sitting around discussing the nature of God and while they agree that based on the magnificent design of the human body God must be an engineer they can’t agree on what kind of engineer.

“It’s obvious,” says the first engineer, “that God is a mechanical engineer.”

“How to you figure?” asks the second engineer.

“Just look at the skeleton, the way the joints work and the structure of the body.  Clearly, a mechanical engineering marvel.”

The second engineer says, “I think you’re wrong.  It’s obvious to me that God is an electrical engineer.”

“By what logic?” the first engineer asks.

“Look at the nervous system.  All the impulses that have to be transferred around the body nearly instantaneously back to the brain are vital to the body’s functioning.  This is obviously the work of a master electrical engineer.”

The third engineer, who has been quiet up until now, laughs loudly drawing stern looks from the other two engineers.

“You’re both wrong,” says the third engineer.  “God is obviously a civil engineer.”

The other two engineers’ mouths fall open.  Finally one says, “By what reasoning could you possibly determine that God is a civil engineer?”

The third engineer smiles and says, “God is obviously a civil engineer.  Who else besides a civil engineer would put a waste disposal plant right in the middle of a recreation area?”

Oct
01
2009

Prepping for Halloween

I’m heading out of town as the niece has finally returned from one of our two current land wars in Asia. It will almost be like the Waltons.

In the meantime, I thought I’d take some time to prep for Halloween – just 30 days away after all – with this excellent video from the people at Common Craft.

I’m thinking about a helmet for every day wear.

Jul
29
2009

Personal Dramas

My friend Greg is running a new web site.  From his introductory page:

I’m so glad you could join us. This is Personal Dramas, a new blog dedicated to putting Class back in the the Classifieds. And I am your host, Gregory. I, along with a team of dedicated cynics, will be working to bring you the best ads submitted by real winners trying to attract a mate.

I’m sure you’ve all been through it before. You’re home on a Friday, thinking about finding someone special. You hate the bar, you work with weirdos and married couples. You think to yourself: “Self, why don’t we use one of those fabulous websites where people write little dating resumes, then I can have a virtual parade of suitors go past me before I even have to lift a finger and try to communicate.” You start looking around.

And then you find….Them.

They
are out there…waiting. Biding their time, the personal’s people.

They are single
They are “fun”
They are “outgoing”

And They, as you will soon find out, are looking for what I call “Lurv”.

“Lurvis a very special thing. It can be a bouquet of flowers, or a special dinner. It can be sitting on a beach and watching the sunset. Or it can be completely remaking your personality to please a sociopath. It can be so many things really. Many times it involves handcuffs.

Don’t take me wrong, there are certainly a lot of nice people out there. People you might want to meet and date. But usually you have to screen out a few thousand heavy breathers and ear collectors. And that is what we are here for, we want to showcase for you the obviously dangerous psychos that are waiting just around the corner of the tubes.

In short: this site is pretty damn funny. Perhaps this is bad for the karma but I’m thinking it’s no more bad for the karma than the actual personal ads are by themselves.  Plus, in this day and age of diminished privacy, Greg is taking all good steps to protect the identities of those involved.

Take a look (and it’s down in the blogroll as well). I hope you are amused.

May
09
2009

Patient zero?

Some people like to get their swine flu the old fashioned way.

Some people like to get their swine flu the old fashioned way.

Feb
11
2009

Just because you have the tools…

…doesn’t mean you know how to use them.

perhaps this amuses me so because I actually went to film school

Dec
24
2008

Trackin’ Santa

So NORAD is tracking Santa on his travels again. This year they’ve got much better integration with Google Maps and you get the chance to take a look at photos of a lot of the places he’s stopping. The best part isn’t the videos when they do manage to catch a glimpse of him. No, the best part is all the Christmas wishes from people around the world when you go to look at the photos.

Sep
26
2008

Proving that the database is only as smart as the programmer

I’ve been less than diligent lately about taking advantages of iTunes weekly giveaways mostly because, well, they have devolved into kind of sucking. Sure, they gave us Amy Winehouse at some point before October 31, 2007 (the date on which I migrated computers and had to restore my iTunes database), but mostly it’s been barely mid-level songs by artists you wouldn’t spend $9.99 to hear.

Still, I go look every couple of weeks, perhaps download a song or two, and see what videos they have available. This week’s free movie is Slacker Uprising by Michael “Roger and Me” Moore, a movie that, by the way, he’s giving away on his own web site. I clicked through to see how it was being received, what the comment gnomes had to say and was suddenly captivated by the box in the lower right labeled “More by this director.”

Paradise, Hawaiian Style, hum, I thought. Has Michael Moore gone soft? Travelogue? So I clicked. And I got this:

No, Michael Moore hasn’t gone soft. iTunes has gone crazy.

Paradise, Hawaiian Style was directed by Michael D. Moore a native of Victoria, BC who was born in 1914. The film was Elvis Presley’s 21st leading role appearance and his second in a movie shot in Hawaii.

Apple has proven once again that iTunes is really just a database in nice clothes and that any database is only as good as the people who put the information into it. That said, as gaffs go this one tickled the hell out of me.

Jun
24
2008

OK you fuckers, I’m going to tinkle now*

I had the distinct pleasure of seeing George Carlin at the Warner Theater in DC several years ago. We had third row left seats and it was fabulous.

Having been raised on mid-1980s Saturday Night Live (good, but not great comedy; SNL peaked early) and stolen viewings of Eddie Murphy’s Raw and Robin Williams’ Live At The Met, Carlin when I discovered him in my early 20s on HBO was a delight: clever, smart, and ascerbic as hell. He played with language in a way that no other comedian in my experience had before, and, frankly, no other comedian has since.

Carlin was once quoted as saying “”If you’ll scratch a cynic, you’ll find a disappointed idealist.” Like many things, he was right about this I think.

Listen to Carlin’s original “Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television” from his 1972 album Class Clown (this version was recorded off the original vinyl that was given to TGF at 14 years-old by her future brother-in-law).

or check out his 1978 revised list.

Regardless of whether you partake of the media or not, the world is linguistically a poorer place for Carlin’s death. The man knew the value of words and grasped their power.

* Derivation from Carlin’s original “Seven Words” sketch

Mar
19
2008

Cartoons on the web

I wish all cartoonists had a tip jar or swag or something you could buy to help support their art. There are so many good cartoons out there:

to name a few.

And then there is Toothpaste For Dinner by Drew. Sometimes belly-laugh funny, sometimes simply relevant, always makes you think. Below is today’s

toothpaste20080319-small.gif

It made me laugh. What can I say, it’s been that kind of day.

Feb
07
2008

Quote of the day

“In the Old Country we have a thaying,” Igor volunteered
“A what?”
“A thaying. We thay, ‘If you don’t want the monthter you don’t pull the lever.’”

- Igor to Moist Von Lipwig, Making Money by Terry Pratchett